It's sad how a person can leave a place, leaving no trace of existence at all.
This is what I learnt in the midst of busy packing. It's not that am attached to the place, but it just suddenly dawned on me as I collect all bits and pieces of belongings that a person can truly disappear, leaving behind nothing for anybody to find. Existence? It doesnt seem to mean much, not when you see it this way.
Anyway, met the most interesting bus driver yesterday on my way to school. After observing me for less than five minutes he told me that my thoughts were really deep and far away. And no matter how hard I tried to remember what I was thinking about, I couldn't. I find it so easy to be lost in my thoughts, noticing nothing else in particular until I snap out of my reverie. Sometimes it ain't such a bad thing afterall.
Haven't exactly been in the best of moods recently. Nothing in particular was too big for me to handle, but I guess when you add them all together, it's still big enough? I'll be fine soon, I just need time. I think.
Asshole & Angel,
Do y'all remember the funny & weird auntie working in Claims who I used to laugh over till I have stomachache? HAHAHA you know she's still here and am seeing her around quite a bit whenever I go for lunch taking the company bus.
And you know every time without fail she'll ask me.
(The below part in bold is the everyday conversation)
Today...
Her: "Eh you lunch alone ar?"
Me: "Ya."
Her: "You never ask the tall tall kokleong they all for lunch ar?"
Me: "No." (Gives disgusted face at the party mentioned)
Her: "Oh... When you working until ar?"
Me: "Mid october."
Her: "Oh..." (Starts digging in bag)
Me: (Manages a weak smile while staring at the horrifying contents of her bag)
Her: (Laughs, showing her teeth full of the bright red lipstick she was wearing) Hahaha...very messy la."
(I really didn't mean to stare, I swear. Don't be expecting children's bones and all la, it's just that her bag's full of litter??? Scraps of paper, food... etc. It's just....very messy??)
Me: "........."
Her: (Pulls out a very large mirror from her bag and begin looking at herself in the mirror)
Me: (Trying not to look and tries to get occupied with the book I was reading)
Her: (Wipes away lipstick on her teeth and arranges hair, takes out phone and stares at it) "You know that AIG moving to Shenton Way next year?"
Me: "Ya. You moving with them?"
Her: "Dont know. -And a load of other stuff- You?"
Me: "Oh, I don't know the place, maybe not."
Her: (Smiles at me again, showing teeth and lipstick, then digs out phone to stare at it again)
Me: (Smiles back)
(Meanwhile the bus has reached somerset)
Her: (Frantically packs up her stuff, throwing her large mirror and phone in, hurriedly grabs her bag and rush off when the bus hasn't really stopped and nobody is rushing her) "Bye."
Me: "Bye." (Gets off bus)
I don't know why. She isn't intentionally funny, but she just is. I don't laugh in a bad way at her. But she amazes me. Yes, amazes is the word. I began to wonder about her life while I was walking behind her all the way to orchard road for lunch while she continuously turns back to look at me in a weird way like I was stalking her. Oh well. Work's still full of shit cos they keep giving me trash to do.
When are the two of you joining me?????!!!!!!!!! RWARRR.
*hates*
People say that it is good to begin with the end in mind. But somehow I feel that there are some things that you can't carry out beginning with the end in mind. And by end, I mean the end. Finito.
When you're at the peak of something, at your best, at your happiest, how do you even keep the end of it in mind? Like going on a plane anticipating a crash? Going diving knowing you'll die at the bottom of the sea cos your oxygen will run out?
Am sorry, but I can't do it. Much as I know it's better and easier. But I can't, and I won't. Maybe you can and you will, but as I always say. I'll face and embrace what's mine now, and deal with the end on my own.